ben update

picture this.......
ben, on his 14th birthday, contacts and all, doing what he loves!

i feel as though i've been hit by a truck. it can't in anyway
compare to what the baker family must be feeling.
puffy, drained, exhausted. i dragged my ass to the gym
anyway this morning, and somehow it refreshed me.
(not my eyes tho', they're still puffy!).
my ipod battery was shot so i went without christina,
earth, wind and fire, casting crowns, nelly, prince and the
list goes on....
amazing what your mind can do without all that outside
stimulation. i actually focused and thought much about
joe, the bakers, the funeral and my own life.
pretty empowering and a darn good work out to boot!
i may leave the ipod at home from now on.

every funeral i ever attend effects me differently, as they should
i guess. different people, different circumstances, different
memories, different time in our lives.
there were actually times during the course of the day when
i wish i'd have had my camera. i know that sounds insensitive
and stupid and may be selfserving, but i just hope that i can
remember all of the tender exchanges that i witnessed yesterday.
why don't people photograph funerals? i mean i'm not talking
about getting "table shots" & college room mate-buddy shots
and certainly there's no dance. but there is something there.....
raw emotion that could be captured from a distance.
maybe it's just that folks don't want to be reminded of their grief.
or, i don't know.....maybe it is just sacred, plain and simple.
then there are some that i suppose would think it was kinda creepy.

anyway, this will undoubtedly not be the last time i write about joe.
rest in peace, joe........oh, and say "hi!" to my dad, will ya!